1:24 AM
by crazytuts
Summary: I, Pansy Parkinson, am to die in a day and there is nothing I can do to stop it. The pain that will inflict me at midnight will be nothing comparable to the pain that has my father has caused me. Now I am off, to pursue my true love as my last wish.
1. 4:32 AM

1:24 AM

**4:32 AM**

I am going to die at midnight. There is nothing I can do about it. The world has left me as helpless as a raggedy ann doll, torn in its misery. The worst part is not even that I'm dying. The worst part is that I know who my killer is, and it hurts.

"Someone fed you a Sicarius Hora Potion, Ms.Parkinson." The doctor told me just two hours ago, when I rushed to St.Mungo's as soon as the coughing began. This wasn't the usual petty child coughing, mind you. I coughed up my blood-traitor blood in small spits, making the episode last over a long period of time. Twenty minutes, to be precise. I was surprised to be able to stretch my arms and legs and get on my feet after the amount of blood I lost. When gazing at my own reflection, I found a pale ghost staring back, with the longest dark curly hair hugging my back, the tips soaked with my fresh blood.

I had never meant to hurt my father. Every time I encountered him, his eyes spoke disappointment. Disappointed of me, because I hadn't joined his little Death Eater herd as he had wanted me to, as soon as I left Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But I refused. I wanted to be a leader for the first time in my life, not follow a bunch of weak men obeying the Dark Lord's orders. I had done that for the past eighteen years of my life, following someone that I still think about today. I wanted to change, bring my inner self into the open and be what I always wanted to be. I wanted to be a doctor. I craved passion for my work, respect from my peers, and most of all, love from my patients. I sure had the ambition, proof of being in Slytherin, and I thought I had the intelligence for it, but my father had to shatter my dreams like glass broken with a dangerous arm.

Ever since I had bought my apartment in South London, two hours from my parent's house, I had never visited my parents for three months. That night, I finally broke out of my shell and went to visit them. My mother was pleased to see me, instantly deciding that she was going to make her daughter her favorite meal, steak. My father, however, glared at me as if I was a nasty fly that had to be squashed. His fingers moved up and down, and that signal meant that he was concocting one of his brilliant ideas in his mind. I was scared to know what it was, now that I look back at it. My father had never been the best parent, always yelling, degrading me to feel like a worse person than I really was. He would beat me senseless when I enraged him by the pettiest things. I had the scars to prove it, making me look at them everyday I woke up. But hell, I didn't need them. No scars pierced on my body could compare to the scars burned in my heart like a never-ending torch.

We ate our dinner silently at the dinner table, until my mother brought up a topic to discuss. She asked me what I was doing in London these days, and I told heri had signed up to become a doctor and had started my first year of training at a special school. She said that the career was very productive and wished me good look on the path. My father, however, contradicted me, asking if it was a suitable profession for me, considering that I had only gotten three N.E.W.T's. I didn't answer him. I admit it. He intimated me. He always had, ever since I was six years old when I had fried one of his pants by magic accidentally and he had blown with fury and smacked me right across the face like a wild animal. Maybe I should have answered him, because what happened next, I could never take back.

Dinner was over. He went into the kitchen, fiddling with clattering items that I could hear from the table. He had never been much of a cook, considering the apple pie he had cooked one day and it had ended up burning to smithereens, turning out as a charcoal pie in the end. However, it wasn't food he brought out. It was champagne, or at least it appeared to be. It was separated into three wine glasses and passed around the table in cheers, but no one was in a cheery mood. Without thinking anything of it, I drank it, devouring every drop of the champagne's taste.

I didn't know it was poisoned. I drank it at exactly 1:24, and I never would have thought I had twenty four hours to live after that. I coughed up my blood for twenty minutes, and then was rushed to St.Mungo's by my mother, where, once again, the doctor told me I had been poisoned. I was only going to live for one more day, and then I would be gone. There was nothing they could do about it. My mother looked at me in shock, soon dripping wet with tears, but she knew who had done it. I knew it too. My father poisoned me in punishment of becoming a traitor, and he wanted me to feel the pain too. What more pain was there to know that you were going to die within a day and nothing could be done about it?

And now I'm home, lying in my bed, thinking about my father, my childhood, basically my whole life. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I have never had a true love I can trust and care about, or a best friend I can rely on. I am distrusted by everyone and everything, even my own father. Am I good in education? No. If I had been given five more years, I could have said proudly that I had achieved something, but it's impossible now.

What shall I do on my last living day? Who shall I spend it with? Thinking about it makes me want my life to end even faster.

**6:45 AM**

If there was ever a night that I couldn't sleep, this was it. I tossed and turned and got out of bed five times to get a drink or take a leak, but nothing worked. I gave up trying to sleep, knowing that I wouldn't have to try in very long. After taking a long shower, I dressed up in my best clothes, a semi-simulation of a robe, but with no sleeves and skirt length up to my knees. It was a flush rose color, complimenting my ever so pale skin and dark hair. I put on almost every single piece of makeup I owned. I tried out all my jewelry and ended up deciding on a silver necklace with a pink stone in the middle, and matching earrings to go with it. Now, you would think that I should be crawled up in my bed, frittering and anticipating the worst to come, but I have something to accomplish. I might not be able to become a doctor, but I can certainly pursue my true love. I have a mission, and I have to see to it that it's finished.


	2. 7:31 AM

**7:31 AM**

I never thought standing in a restaurant line at 7:30 in the morning in hope for some breakfast could be so long. It was a never-ending trail of people. People that looked exhausted but at least weren't going to die in the middle of the night. I told myself to stop thinking about it, but I couldn't. It was like trying to forget your name.

The restaurant lady asked for my order, and as soon as she glanced up at me, a surprised look came on her face, and said, "Sweetie, make sure you take a double order, cuz you look like you about to go down." She said, in one of those American southern accents. I had always heard that people around this area were cruel and didn't care about anybody but themselves, but they were obviously wrong. My order consisted of two dishes of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and cheddar cheese strips, my favorite. Hell, I was going to enjoy every type of food that I could, not having to worry about getting fat.

I ate alone in silence like I always did, until I spotted the two must unlikely people in the restaurant. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were in the same line I had been in , giggling at each other, kissing and squeezing each other's hands, looking happier than ever. My first instinct was to sweep up my food and get out of there, but I didn't. I do not know what held me back, but I did know what I was dying to socialize with someone. Alright, so maybe I shouldn't say it in that term, but you know what I mean. My mind told me, that as soon as they got out of that line, they would come straight to me. I was right. As soon as they turned, they saw me, and their giggling faces turned to frowns, probably wondering as to what I was doing in 'their' part of the city.

They both came up to me, like predators ready to pounce on the prey, and stood in front of me. Harry was the first one to talk.

"What, in the blazes of Merlin, are you doing in our part of the city?"

I couldn't help it. I smirked, and as soon as I did, Hermione spoke up, looking at her double plates, "So, what's the occasion? Out on a breakfast date with your imaginary boyfriend?"

"Well, if you're referring to my loneliness, then yes I am."

That was not the answer they had expected. They gawked at me, Harry's expression of utter disgust, but Hermione's was more concerned.

"What's wrong with your face? You look ever so pale."

"Why do you care?" Harry and I said at the same time. I laughed and they looked at me in amazement.

"Never in all the time I have known you, have I seen you laugh." Harry said, still gaping, "Unless you count all those times you laughed at me."

"I guess you don't know me very well then. Care to join me?"

Harry stared at me some more, and I had the instant urge to overturn his plate and leave his skin oozing with eggs.

"Did you just invite us to sit with you?" He asked.

"Just shut up and sit down."

"Ah, now that's like the Parkinson that I know!"

"Call me Pansy." I suggested, as they sat across from me. Hermione still hadn't finished observing me, my changed hair, and the way I was eating.

"Hungry, are you?" She said to me, staring at my double platter. I couldn't blame her, since it did look strange.

"Famished."

"So what have you been up to, Par-I mean, Pansy? What's your field of career these days?" Hermione inquired, and I should have known she would talk about something that was education related first.

"I did apply for a doctor, but as of today, I'm free of any careers or work."

Hermione gasped, covering her mouth, "Are you serious? You're not doing anything these days?"

"Nope. There's no purpose." I said simply because there was no use hiding it.

"But why?" Harry asked.

"Well, let's just say that I don't have very long to live." I said in amusement. Here I was, in a restaurant, talking to my two biggest enemies about my problems.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hermione said.

"Never mind…" I tried to change the subject, "So, what have you two been up to?"

"Harry and I just got engaged last week. Oh, and I'm leading a Creatures Equality Group and Harry's gone into Auror training."

"Wonderful." I said.

"So, what's with all that living and dying talk?" Harry questioned.

"It's just…Hermione, do you know what the Sicarius Hora Potion is?"

"Of course. It poisons the drinker and kills them after twenty four hours. The pain builds up hour by hour until you die, and I've read that it's supposed to be really painful, and in the beginning, they cough up blood from the extremity of the potion."

Oh great. No one had told me about the hour by hour increasing pain, and here I thought my death would be painless. At the time, I didn't feel anything rumbling inside my body, so at least that was a good sign.

"But why do you ask?" Hermione said.

"Uh…I have to go. Enjoy the food." Suddenly, I stood up from the table, gather my purse, and trotted off towards the exit without looking back at Hermione and Harry. Hermione's new information had somehow shocked her into reality. _The pain builds up hour by hour, until you die, _she had said. There was enough pain building up inside my heart, that I didn't need any other form of it.


	3. 8:59 AM

**I know some of you asked in your reviews, wondering if this was a one shot, so I answer: NO, it's not. The story will be at least 10,000 to 12,000 words. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. It means a lot to me!**

**8:59 AM**

I found myself wandering about the streets of Diagon Alley, almost an hour away from my flat, not knowing exactly what I was doing there. Consciously, I think I was looking for an answer to why my life wasn't worth anything. Maybe my search would be successful in the corners of the Leaky Cauldron while drinking some Butterbeer or Firewhisky. It could happen at Weasleys Wizard Wheezes while swallowing one of their vomit chewable candies. But besides all that, I was looking for him. I didn't know where he resided now, since he had moved out of the Malfoy Mansion and found his own flat just like me. I hoped I would find him here, maybe in the Quidditch Quality Supplies store as he was bawling over the latest broomstick. Unfortunately, I didn't. He was nowhere to be found, and I didn't know what to do. Should I have gone back home and wallow in my self pity? Or should I have gone back to my parent's house and try to kill my father in vengeance? Walking in solitude like this was going to drive crazy, and If I didn't find someone soon, I swear I was going to kill myself.

Suddenly, and idea dawned upon me. I could go to the Ministry, resign from my doctorate program, and maybe even ask someone for his address. I would have rather died than go to his parent's house first, because they were no different from my own. I left Diagon Alley quickly and then surreptitiously Apparated from the back of an empty alley right to the telephone box entrance to the Ministry of Magic. After dialing 62442, the numbers that represented MAGIC, the booth escorted me up to the Ministry. I was surprised when the accountant at the wand checkup line didn't recognize me, since I had been there for over a hundred times. After all the formalities were done, I went to the medical office first and requested the resignation papers. It was funny how every profession was controlled by the Ministry when the doctor career should have been monitored by St.Mungo's.

David Edburgh, my boss, was astonished and disappointed to see me resign. He brushed his hand through his hair like he always did when I was around him, folded his hands in all seriousness, and said, "Why? Why are you giving up? Is it too hard for you?"

I hated that everyone thought I wasn't tough enough to be a doctor, and most of it was thanks to my father.

"No, it was not hard. Challenging maybe, but not hard. It's just…I have somewhere to go tomorrow and I am not coming back. Permanently."

"Where are you going?" He asked curiously.

"Very far away, to be discreet. I cannot tell you. Just know that I am very thankful for everything you have done for me."

I put my hand forth, and he shook it. The moment was very awkward for me, giving a goodbye speech to my main boss, but I was sure he would understand. The next day, when he would see the obituaries in the _Daily Prophet_, he would understand everything.

Next, I thought about who I could encounter for some information on him, and decided on Vincent Crabbe, his best friend. The last I had heard, he was working for the Magical Enforcement Squad, coming to the rescue whenever a magical fiasco occurred in the Muggle world. I felt strange to just walk up to a person I hadn't met in a year. Sure, he had been in the same house as me but I had never gotten the chance to know him. I found him at the fourth floor, sitting quietly in his cubicle, which was across from the level entrance, placed near one of the gigantic multi-colored stained glass windows. As I walked up to him, I saw that he had not changed a bit. He was still bulky and had a huge head full of dark wavy hair. His eyes had a somewhat somber appeal to them, radiating gloom around the room. It was nine in the morning, after all.

"Hello, Vincent." I greeted him with a calm voice. He jerked out of his reverie and looked up at me. Obviously, surprise was written all over his face as he said, "Whoa, Pansy, what in the hell are you doing here?"

"I'll take that as a hello. Just came by for some paperwork and though I'd drop by and say hi. So, how've you been?"

"The same as usual. Work is going by real slow, as you can see."

"Yes I can." No one was moving an inch in the grandiose room you'd rather call a hall. All of the quills and ink were settled untouched on the different desks and everyone looked as if they were hallucinating just as Vincent had been.

"We were thinking of bringing in some entertainment, but our boss said-"

"Oh, Vincent. You can't have strippers in the Ministry in the midst of the morning."

"Oh, hush. That's not what I meant." He said, half amused as I started cracking up.

Just when I was going to ask him about a certain guy's whereabouts, he spoke up first, "So, have you seen Draco lately? He mentioned you the other day."

My eyes lifted up, and I could feel my heart start to pound extra hard.

"He did?"

"Yeah. Asked me why she doesn't come around there anymore. Ever since we left Hogwarts, you've disappeared."

"He really said that? Are you serious?"

Vincent nodded, still grinning at the flabbergasted look on my face. He motioned me to sit down on the chair across from him and I obeyed.

"I reckon you should go visit him."

"That's why I came, to ask you where he lives. Last I heard, he got his own flat."

"You heard right. It's up in Gondolyn Heights, and the flat is called Winter Blocks. I think it's number…42. Yes." He told me, thinking of the exact location as doing so.

"Thanks. So, how is Goyle? Haven't heard from him either."

"He joined the Death Eaters. I haven't had contact with him." He whispered, with a nasty expression on his face.

I had thought that all three of them would join the service of the Dark Lord, but I guess I was wrong.

"What about you? Why didn't you join?"

"Probably for the same reasons as you. I want to have my own life and rules, not follow some other's and get tortured by them."

He was right. That was the reason I hadn't joined either.

"And Draco?"

"Oh, he's definitely in. Do you think his father would have let Draco escape from being a Death Eater?"

"No…but I was still hoping for-"

"Hope is for the young. Never hope for anything, because it never comes the way you want it."

"Alright, I can agree with that. It's been a pleasure seeing you again, Vincent. Good luck in your life. I hope all your dreams come true."

"Pansy, you're talking like you're never going to see me again."

"I might not. I'm going away tomorrow to a far away place and won't come back." Oh yes, the place is very far away indeed.

In confusion, he shook my hand, "Well, best of luck to whatever you're up to. Come and visit me sometime."

"I'll try." I hated goodbyes. They brought tears to my eyes and wouldn't stop for a long time. I hadn't cried so far, and wasn't planning to for the rest of the day.

I said farewell for the last time and headed out from the fourth floor, deciding I would get something to eat as soon as I exited the Ministry. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger had disturbed my breakfast, and I hadn't even ended up eating a full plate.


	4. 10:35 AM

**10:35 AM**

I ate quietly at a Muggle fast food restaurant names Bob Evan, presumably after the owner. This time, it was in peace, as no one had come up to me and disturbed me. I sat there, thinking about what would happen after I died. Would I float up to the edges of the sky and enter heaven, or would I dive down deep to be invited inside the gates of hell? I had wasted my whole life doing petty things that didn't come to any use. I had committed sins. They might seem insignificant to an outsider's eye, but to me, they were as big as murdering someone. Lying to my mother about getting perfect grades, gossiping, making fun of people, lying to myself.

After I was done eating, I went to Gondolyn Heights in search of the designated flat. It didn't take long because it was easily one of the more distinguishable buildings in the area. It was tall, about four hundred feet, with rust white paint covering the walls of the building. I could see miniature glass windows bunched up together on the whole building. As I entered, a sign came to my attention. It was a carved stone in the shape of an arch that had the words 'Winter Blocks' encrypted in it. Flowers like dandelion and tulips surrounded it, giving it vibrant color. I went inside the flat and entered the elevator. As I looked around at the people outside, I noticed that this building was occupied by Muggles. Was Draco so desperate that he had to live near people he despised?

Something took over me as the elevator climbed from floor twenty to thirty to forty. Was I doing the right thing by coming here? What if he didn't want to see me? What if he'd forgotten me or pretended to? I don't think I could take that. Back when we had been in school, I had always followed him around like a puppy dog after its owner, but he had never given me his full attention. It was almost as if I didn't exist in his eyes. That might have had to do with the fact that in our fifth year, I had spread lies that I had slept with him. I think that was when he started to hate me. He didn't talk to me for two months after that incident, and I thought I had lost him forever. There wasn't enough strength in me to tell him that I loved him. It wasn't something a woman said to a man, because I believed it should be the other way around.

The elevator led me to the chosen floor, and I found myself standing in front of door number forty two. I hesitated, putting my foot back and letting my hands fall to the side, and thought twice about what I was doing. Well, I had nothing to lose, did I? If I told him I loved him today, it wasn't as if I would be alive tomorrow to deal with the consequences.

I reached for the doorknob and twisted it. The door wouldn't open. It took me a few seconds to realize that normal people knocked first. I did this, but still there was no answer.

It was stupid of me to think that he would be home in the morning. Surely he would have some business to attend to. Disappointed, I stepped back into the elevator, which led me down to the ground floor, and came into the open. I took a minute to appreciate the world around me by sitting on a swing in the mini playground to my right. Gosh, I hadn't sat in a swing for years. I felt good by reconnecting with my childhood.

The day was filled with light, as the sun hovered high in the sky like a spaceship. It vibrated bright rays onto my face when I looked up at it. It was humid and hot, a dangerous combination. I saw a couple of people go by, all of them adults, into the complex, not noticing me at all. The third person did notice me, but not before I caught a glimpse of him. For some strange reason, I had always been able to spot the opposite person first when we were supposed to meet. I guessed it was a gift.

Draco had two paper bags in each hand as he walked across the grass, about twenty feet away from me. I stared at him closely, admiring his deep blue sea eyes and white blond hair waving back and forth as his feet moved. He looked like a stay at home dad with all those bags in his hands. Even the way he walked, a confident and assured gait, mesmerized me to no end. I had never gotten tired of being amazed by him. After a few seconds, he felt that someone was looking at him, and turned to the swings immediately. He gazed at her for awhile, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He dropped the bags, bread and eggs coming out of them, and came straight to me.

"Bless my body, it's Pansy." He breathed, like he was talking to himself. "Merlin's beard, what are you doing here?"

"Now, is that the sort of welcome I get?" I asked, pretending to be offended. Then something amazing happened. He approached me closely and pulled me into a hug, a warm and cozy embrace that sent a rush of electricity up my spine and made my heart thump. That was the first time he had hugged me in at least four years.

He broke the hug and observed me for a few seconds while he smiled. It was as if he was testing me or something. I saw his eyes go down to my breasts and then to my thighs and finally back to my face. I blushed furiously.

"You look…great. You're going to come into my flat, aren't you?"

"Yeah. That's why I came." I responded, folding my arms from the sudden breeze that had invaded them from nowhere.


	5. 11:40 AM

**11:40 AM**

I was astonished when I saw Draco make tea for the both of us. I guess, ever since he separated from his parents, he had learned everything himself. Believe me, I knew, speaking from experience and all. I stood by the kitchen entrance and watched him make it. His cloak was very loose on him, but I could still delineate the shape of his body. I imagined myself grabbing him from behind and clinging to him like butter on bread. Suddenly, I broke out of my fantasy as something sharp stung my ribs. It felt like a thousand knives had been thrown straight at my rib cage. The pain was unbearable. I screeched, falling to the floor and curling up into a ball to prevent more pain from invading my body. Draco's mug cluttered from his hand when he looked around, and ran to me instantly. I could feel his hand brush against my shoulder, his eyes only focused on me for the first time. I didn't drift away from his gaze, even with my condition, but the longer we locked our eyes, the easier the pain felt, until it alleviated fully. Draco reached for my hand and pulled me to my feet.

"Okay, what was that all about? Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think it was heartburn."

"Are you sure? You were screaming your head off."

"I'm sure. Maybe I should just take a seat in the living room and wait for you."

"That's a good idea. Go." He motioned me towards the living room and I went without saying anything else. So, what Hermione said had come true. If this was to happen every hour, I had to watch it and make sure I didn't scream from the pain. I probably would scare him off.

I looked around. It was a dull place Draco was living in. The flat looked almost a century old, with the plaster and white pain chipped off the walls of the living room. There were black gashes on the ceiling that looked like it had been burned. There wasn't anything in the living room except a couch and a lamp. No windows and no light shining from outside. How could he live in this dump?

"Here you go." Draco came in, interrupting me from my observations. He saw me do it and said, "Yeah, I know it's pretty bad, but that's all I can do with the fucking wage I make right now."

"Doing what, exactly?" I asked, a bit scared to know the answer.

"I sell items, you know, Potions, special amulets used for protection, plants, some of the things are illegal so I make big bucks sometimes. Depends on the costumer, really."

"What about Lucius? Doesn't he give you money?"

Draco snorted derisively, "He said that if I moved out, I would be on my own financially. I had to move out. I couldn't keep on taking his god damn orders all my life. I gotta be my own man."

"That's just how I feel."

"So you got your own flat too, eh?" Draco sat next to me rather closely that I could feel the vapor coming out of his tea.

I took a sip and answered, "Yeah. It's actually far away from here."

"Is that so? Now, would that be the reason for not coming to visit us? The distance? The last time I checked, you knew how to Apparate."

"Hey. It's not like you came either."

"I didn't know where you were, and when I asked around, no one else did either. So you can't blame me for not coming around. And lotsa people come here so I'm sure they could have told you if you asked."

"I did. I asked Vincent today, and he told me, and that's not the only thing he told me."

Draco laughed again, "So you know I'm a Death Eater, right? What of it?"

"Well, it's just that-"

"Look, I know you don't follow all that, so it's just best we don't get into that conversation."

I looked down at my cup and blew on the tea, trying to make it cooler, "Fine then. So what else have you been up to, besides doing your Death Eater duties? Got any girlfriends, girlfriend, I mean?"

"It's funny you should ask that, since before, I've always had one or sometimes two. But right now, no, I don't. I can't even take care of myself, living in this trash bin, how am I supposed to follow another girl's tail and try to do her."

"Ugh. Draco." I said, disgusted at his last comment.

"What? Isn't that what being boyfriend and girlfriend is about? You bang her and then it's over. You move on to the next one."

His negative attitude put me in a bold mood, "Then why didn't you ever try anything on me?"

"See, I was going to, but you took me off guard that year when you told everyone we had sex. It was supposed to be me who told everyone those things, not you. You were too rash, and I decided not to go after you. You're lucky."

No I'm not, I thought inside. But then again, if he had, I would have been just another toy to him.

"Am I? I guess so, but at least now your playing days are over. Planning to get married?"

"What is this, an interrogation?" Draco asked, raising his eyes at her.

"If you want it to be. So, you planning to get married?"

"Hell no. What's the point?"

"Oh, I don't know…for love, commitment, companionship-"

"Being trapped to one woman forever, being ordered around, having to do extra work around the house-"

"Care for each other-"

"Be a slave-"

We both stopped and started laughing. There was a warm feeling inside me when I did, and I didn't want it to go away.

"No, but seriously," I said, sitting straight up again, "Don't you want kids, a wife, a dog-"

"A dog?" He said, cackling madly.

"Oh, you know what I mean. Why waste your life in nothing when you can fulfill it?"

"My my my, you sound like a shrink."

"That's right. Why do you think I'm in doctor training right now?"

"Yeah right." Draco said, not believing me.

"I'm serious. I'm going to be a doctor. That's why I'm here today, to cure you."

"Really? You just don't seem the type to-"

"Yeah, so everyone keeps on telling me." I didn't reveal the fact that I had resigned today. I felt like I couldn't tell him about my fate. I needed at least one person who could look and talk to me like a normal person, not like talking to a dying woman.

"But why? What motivated you to it?"

"Hmm…well, I want something out of life and want to help people, since I was never helped myself. I want to make a change in the world."

"Whoa, look at you," Draco pointed, "sounding like a natural leader. Just remember that I get free visits to your ward when I'm old, alright?"

"Got it." I smirked, gazing at his blue eyes. They seemed hidden under his eyelashes and needed to come out and shine to bring out the rest of his face with light.

He glanced at his watch and said, "Oh, man. That bites. I gotta go to someone's house for special orders. I'm sorry."

"It's alright." No it wasn't, but here was my chance to ask him to dinner, "Uh…Draco?"

"Hmm?" He hummed, getting to his feet and picking up his mug from the floor.

"Do you want to meet up for dinner later, maybe at this restaurant I know? You don't have to, I was just thinking-"

"Are you kidding? I would love to." Draco answered, patting her arm and then going to the kitchen to put his mug away. I followed him and did the same.

"Then tonight it is." Draco said, signaling for me to leave.

"When should I come here?"

"How about…7:30?"

"Got it. See you later then." He waved, and I waved back. With one hand, I attempted to open the door, but it wouldn't budge, still keeping my eyes on him, I tried harder but it wouldn't open.

"Eh, sweetheart. How can the door open when you're standing stuck to it?" He pushed me aside gently and pulled the doorknob. The door came flying towards me. We both laughed awkwardly, and I could feel the color rising to my cheeks. And with that, I was off, with my heart and mind feeling a little better than before.


	6. 1:24 PM

**1:24 PM**

I couldn't believe it. It had been twelve hours since I had drank the potion. Twelve more hours and I would be history. It had finally started to dawn upon me that I was going to die, but still, I didn't cry. Who did I have to cry for? No one special was going to fade away from my eyes soon that I could call a parent, relative, lover, or friend. Should I have cried for myself? No. I wasn't worth the tears.

I was back in my flat, lingering in the kitchen and making some food for myself to be preoccupied with something to do. I could already start to feel the new bulging fat below my chin from all the food I had digested today.

After I finished eating, I went back to my bedroom and took out a piece of parchment, a quill, and some ink. It was time to say goodbye to my mother. I would have loved to see her in person but that just wasn't possible under the circumstances. Thinking about my childhood and my mother, I started to write.

_Mum, _

_I wish this hadn't happened. I had big things going for me in life for the first time ever, and Dad had to steal. He's stolen enough from me, why does he have to take my life too? I wish you would have done something all those years when he hurt me, emotionally and physically. You don't know how much it pained me to watch you stand by and do nothing about it. Sometimes I hated you for being a mere bystander. I thought you didn't love me. I thought no one loved me, and to this day, no one has proved me wrong. I wish someone would, but I guess it's too late for that._

_I want you to know that I'm truly sorry for all the lies that I told all these years. If there's anything I regret, it's me lying to you, because I know how hurt you get by it. I don't know where I learned it, but it always seemed like the easy way out. _

_You've been a generally good mother to me, and I thank you for feeding and taking care of me. I wouldn't have any other mother, even with all the resentments I have against you. I guess this is really goodbye. Pray for me, and never forget me._

_I love you, Pansy_

I rolled it up and put it to the side of my desk while I grabbed another one and started writing.

_Dad,_

_I don't hate you. Truly. I do not hate you. I pity you. I pity the man that you've become, and the man you will be when you go to hell, and I'm certain that you will. God will say to you, "A man who is capable of killing his daughter can do anything."_

_I never understood you, except now. You hate yourself, don't you? Despise the man you've become, and you've got this invisible force field around you to protect yourself from any fault or stinging words. Even if you weren't given love when you were young, you could have at least learned from your mistakes and not try to pass it off to me. You really hurt me, Dad, and even though I know you won't make much out of this letter, I want you to know that I have never loved you._

_Ever since the day you lay a hand on me, I knew it was a stranger that had made my mother pregnant. You're just a name for me, Dad. Hell, I could call my old dog my Dad, because at least I know he wouldn't spit on me or bite me like you have. You've never taught me to forgive, and for that, I will never forgive you. You will remember my words for your seven lifetimes to come and they'll keep on haunting you until you're in your grave. _

_When I was a child, I had hoped that you would change, but I've learned today that hope is useless. This is my last word to you._

_Pansy_

I could feel the tears coming. Tears of bitterness at my father. Tears of regret. Why had I ever visited them? It ended up costing my life.

I gave both rolls to my owl Fudge and watched him fly into the distance from my window. I sat back down on my chair and sighed, thinking that maybe I shouldn't have sent those. The one to my mother should have been less accusing and I should have been crueler to my father. Oh well. What's done is done.

Time awaited me. What should I do now?


	7. 2:52 PM

**2:52 PM**

Yes, I did it. I sold my flat as a goodbye, but more as a reason to not have anybody worry about taking care of the technicalities after I died. I didn't want the burden on them because they didn't deserve it. The idea was sudden and I had just popped into my head, making me take the few things I needed, dressing up for the dinner with Draco, and heading out without a look back at my home.

Now here I was, on Remiem Street, strolling the sidewalk with a bag consisting of the bare necessities clutched in my right hand. The heat was getting to me because I began to sweat horribly, and I could see my skin turn crisp golden brown from the sun's ultraviolet rays. Maybe people were outside today, roaming the streets. There were couples holding hands or single parents trying to tame their kids as they ruptured with fun and recklessness. Kids…I wanted one of mine one day, a little darling that I could love and take care of. I loved babies. They were so innocent and carefree and had the cutest little faces. As I kept walking, a saw an incredibly cute face wrapped up in a little yellow sunflower dress with laces and ribbons. She was in a tiny red stroller, and when looked up at the mother, I was surprised. It was my best friend from Hogwarts. Was this a school reunion day or what?

"Lina! What are you doing here? Oh my god!"

"Pansy!" She raised an outburst just like me and we both embraced, "How are you darling?"

"Oh, I'm holding up. I didn't know you had such a cute baby!"

Truly, she was absolutely adorable, with large hazel eyes just like her mother's. I picked her up and held her on my arm, making cute faces and noises at her. She laughed and jiggled her body around me. I smiled at her, and then at Lina. She appeared much fatter and her skin was saggy, but she was as beautiful as ever. She had short bopping blond hair that I had always been jealous of, and a perfect prominent nose that fit her face with delicacy. She had been my friend since second year in Hogwarts, but then we drifted apart in fifth or sixth year when is started acting like more of a bitch than usual.

"And how are you, miss? Who's the father?" I asked jubilantly.

"Blaise."

"Blaise? Blaise Zabini? Really?"

"Yep. The one and only."

"Aww, that's wonderful!" I chimed, making Lina laugh.

"So, what have you been doing these days?"

"Oh nothing much." I said, "Just work and things like that. How about you?"

I put the little baby back on the stroller and we both began to walk again. Gosh, that baby was so quiet when it was supposed to be.

"I've been home, mostly because of Selina here, but it's not so bad to take a break from work, I guess."

"Oh, I know what you mean." I said.

"Really. So, where are you going?"

"I…don't really know. Anywhere."

She frowned, "You've always been a weirdo. Come with me. I'm taking Selina to this Muggle arcade, you know, just get her active."

"Lina, she doesn't even look a year old."

"So? There's tons of activities for infants there, isn't there, little Sellie?" She poked her baby, making her giggle, with saliva coming out of the corner of her lip.

There it was again, that excruciating pain in my heart and in my ribs. I tried my hardest to hold it in, not letting it show on my face, and it worked. I twitched slightly but that was it. I looked at Lina to see if she had noticed and, to my relief, she hadn't. She constantly kept an eye on Selina as they crossed Remiem Street and dived into Maple Boulevard. After ten to fifteen minutes, they reached a small store intertwined between two larger ones of all shades of blue and a big title in the middle that said LONDONG PREMIUM ARCADE. As soon as we went inside, a smile appeared on my face. There were tons of rectangular machines with colorful pictures on the square screens settled to my left, and on the right were stations. One consisted of a round rubber mat that flung kids into the air as they jumped on it. Another was a ball and bat toss, but the one that attracted me the most was a spongy red cage filled with colorful balls and fenced by matching nets. While Lina took Selina to the ball and bat station, I found myself extra curious about the cage and approached it slowly. Inside, there were twin girls with blond hair that were striking each other with the balls, laughing and plunging underneath the cage and then jumping right back out.

The girls saw me staring, and one of them, the girl who had been on the surface all the time, curved her finger towards me and called me over there. In no time, I was standing right at the steps. Despite my age, it seemed so much fun to play in those. I had never seen anything like this in my life, especially not when I was trapped inside my parent's house.

"Do you want to play?" She asked me. Her voice was squeaky but at the same time cute. I shook my head, imagining the humiliation when Lina would see me playing ball with a couple of five year olds.

"Come on, lady! There's no shame in playing with kids!"

The other girl started to gaze at me and piped in, "You look sad! Maybe we'll change day around for you."

It was amazing how they could sense my sadness, being the age they were, and help me get out of it. After they urged me some more, I took the steps and plunged into the cage and went under all the soft and colorful balls. When I squeezed them, they felt spongy. I admit it was fun, to feel youth around the girls. We played their game called ball toss, where one person went under and threw the balls in the air randomly without seeing. Whoever got touched first was out. Unfortunately, I was the victim many times, not being an expert at it, and I went under the balls many times.

Between our game, I heard Lina's voice calling out to me. I came to the surface and demanded a time out. As soon as she saw me, she laughed, "Oh my god, Pansy, what are you doing?"

"It's fun! Come in here!" I persisted.

"I don't think so. We're not all crazy here."

"Well, at least send Selina."

"No way! She could suffocate!"

"Lina, look at the balls. They're the size of bludgers."

"Alright." She moved closer to the cage and I went to the rim of it to pull Selina in. As Lina picker her baby up and handed her to me, I gave the baby to the girl next to me and instantly pulled Lina in. We all hooted with laughter as Lina tried to reach the top. Let me tell you, she was not happy to be included in our big mess, but got over it within a minute. I can proudly say that I beat the crap out of her. She would try many times to use her baby as a shield, but I just snuck up behind her and hit her on the head.

I didn't want the day to be over.


	8. 5:33 PM

5:33 PM

Believe it or not, I stayed there for two hours, even after Lina and Selina left. I would have stayed longer, but I got kicked out by the manager for hogging the ball cage. I realized after I left the store that I had never asked those girls their names. Had that been intentional? Were they God's messengers? They were the most hyper children, and I didn't think I will ever forget them, especially when I met them today. I wish I had gotten a photo of them.

So for the next two hours, I walked around my neighborhood some more. That feeling of excitement had left me, and I felt that wave of loneliness sweeping in, telling me to go to Draco's flat early. But no, how would that look? I would seem so desperate to him, and the last thing I wanted was a ruined image. So I strolled the streets, as if I was a tourist, and stopped at certain clothing stores to simply browse the new fashion on display. Those kinds of things had always been a turn on for me, as for example, what kind of look was in, regarding makeup, clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc. I guess you could say I was very well informed in that area. That afternoon, I finally believed the phrase 'shopping is never-ending' because by the time I was done looking in the sixth store, it was time for dinner.

7:23 PM

I knocked politely on Draco's door this time, and it took him a minute or so to open it. Before he did, I straightened out my outfit, a simple nylon black dress coming to my knees. It had short sleeves and a low v-neckline. My hair, as always, was curly at the bottom, spread widely on my back.

When he opened the door, he took one look at me and said, "Wow. Nice dress."

"Thanks. You look good in Muggle clothes as well." He wore a light green dress shirt and black pants, reminding me of those business executives with coats and ties. His wet hair was slicked back, appearing brown rather than blonde.

He closed the door behind him and we were off, going together in the elevator and leaving his flat.

"So where are we going?" He asked.

"This cute little restaurant outside of Diagon Alley I saw this morning."

"This morning? Wow, you've been all over the place today?"

"Pardon me?"

"Crabbe called. He told me you were there this morning."

"That's right."

"So you went all the way to the Ministry just to see him?" He questioned with a suspicious look on his face.

"No. I had some other things to take care of." We crossed another street. I didn't know why we were walking when we could have Apparated, but since he didn't bring it up, I didn't either.

"Which were?"

"My own business." I said, rather rudely, and immediately apologized, "Sorry."

"Eh, I was the one being nosy. So, is this the place? It's tacky, but cute."

Several tables were set up in a circular patter, with a large garden patch in the middle, consisting of all kinds of colored roses on the rim of the circle. A few couples were dancing slowly to the music that was playing by an orchestra positioned in front of the circle. The place where they prepared the food was open on the outside but closed on the inside. A bright banner was spread across the top that said EL AMOR.

Draco took note of the name and said, "What's a Mexican restaurant doing in the middle of London?"

"I don't know, but it's gorgeous."

"Is this a formal restaurant?" He asked, and I guess he was wondering how much money he would have to spend.

"Oh, no. It's simple and cheap. That's why it's outside."

He nodded, not looking fully convinced, but led her to a seat for two across from the orchestra. We both sat down and glanced at each other for a second, before I said, "Awww, look at the roses. Aren't they beautiful?"

Draco's face said that he had seen an alien, and when I asked him what was wrong, he replied, "You have changed so much."

"How so?"

"Becoming a doctor, wearing sexy dresses, thinking the 'roses are beautiful'. What happened to Pansy?"

"She grew up. You're right, I have changed."

"Yeah. You used to be so…"

"Bitchy?"

He snorted, "That wouldn't be the term I would use, but yes. How did you do it?"

"Oh, I guess when I got a place of my own and became independent; I started to realize the important things in life."

"And what's that?"

The waiter came over, took our orders, and dropped off a couple of glasses of water.

"As I was saying," Draco resumed, "What are these important things?"

"You know what I told you earlier today. Finding a career, doing something worthwhile, getting married."

Draco almost started choking on his water from laughing.

"That marriage garbage again? There's no meaning to that. It's for oldies."

I raised my eyes. Was he this coldhearted, to say that marriage wasn't worth anything?

"It is! I could never uphold a marriage. I need…flavor in my life. You know what I mean?"

"No…Draco, I don't." He very well knew I was still a virgin, and I thought it was rude that he would ask me something like that.

"Oh yeah, sorry. So what has held you back from it? Surely you want to experience-it, don't you?"

That was such a personal question, and if it had been anybody but him, I wouldn't have answered. "Of course I do, but I want to wait until I love the guy."

Draco shook his head as if he was ashamed of me, "You are a strange one."

"So I've heard," I said, thinking of Lina from the afternoon.

"Anyways," Draco took another sip of water, "what did you do today?"

I told him about my day, starting with going to breakfast, of course, and told him about my run in with Hermione and Harry. He wasn't pleased to hear that I had sat on the some table with them, but I silenced him before he got a chance to comment on it. I went on to share the story about Vincent and the Ministry, and then after going to his place, eating something and heading home. He was surprised when I told him about the arcade and how I had played with the little girls in that age.

"So, let me get this straight. You played ball with a bunch of babies?"

"Two of them were five, and the other was one."

"That doesn't change anything. It seems really childish."

"Oh, it was, but I had never gotten the chance to do something like that, and the girls forced to play with them."

"Hmm…I see."

"It felt good…to be young again, you know?"

"No, actually, I don't."

I rolled my eyes. I adored him, but Draco could be so insensitive sometimes.

"I was young once, and I had enough of it."

"You're so closed up, Draco. You really need to open up to me. We used to be best friends remember? I'm not one of your one night flings. Well, at least I hope I'm not."

He grinned, "No, you're not. You're worth a lot more than that, I promise you."

The color rose to my face, and I quickly took a gulp to shield my cheeks.

"Thank you. I'm happy to hear that."

That was her finishing cue as dinner came. For the next few minutes, we ate in silence, and I went wandering back in time to the day we had first met. It had been in our first Charms class, and he had possessed the same furtive eye that he had used on me this afternoon. He would watch me everywhere, in classrooms, the common room, and the Great Hall. One day, in our common room, he approached me, asking for some help on his homework, and I completely fell into a trance. I could still remember the way his eyes shined by the low dim light in the room and the way his white hair waved back and forth graciously.

"Earth to Pansy." Draco called and snapped me back to reality. We finished our dinner, and out came desert. I decided to break the silence and say something.

"So, tell me what you do in the day."

"I already did. I sell things, do you recall?"

"Yeah, but I hardly believe it. Come on, tell me what you do for-"

"Shh!"

"-You-Know-Who."

"You really want to know?" He put his bite of cake and fork back and the plate and eyed me gravely.

"Yes."

"Well," he said, in a low voice, "I do sell things, and either they are illegal, or they poison people-"

I made sure not to make eye contact. My heart flipped. Had he supplied my father with the poison that was going to kill me?

"So they are willing to join him."

"Did-did my Dad come to you for some poisons?"

He looked up, thinking hard, "No…I don't think so. Why?"

"No reason."

"Okay…"

"There's more, but it's on occasion. Selling things is an everyday job. A lousy low-pay job, I might add."

"Then quit it."

"I can't just quit. I would be killed."

"You could also be killed in a duel. I think it would be better if you got out of all those evil affairs. Life's not worth wasting your time in things that won't benefit you."

"It does benefit me," Draco contradicted, "I get power, glory-"

"No. You don't get anything. You-Know-Who does. If you did, then you wouldn't be living in that dump."

Draco reasoned her comment for a bit, stirring his cocktail with a straw, "Maybe, but it's not like I can just quit. He will kill me, do you get that?"

"Not if you go far away from here. Leave this place. Go to France, Belgium, Germany, anywhere-"

"Why do you care so much?" He asked in such a sweet voice that I wanted to get closer and closer to him.

"Because I really care about you and I want to see to it that you're safe before I-" I cut off, astonished at what I was about to leak.

"Before you what?"

Before I…hurt you myself for not getting out of all that crap."

"Haha. You would never hurt me. You love me."

More than you know, I thought. Those words had come so easy to him, but they didn't to me.

"You wish. But seriously, think about it."

"Hmm…okay. I'll do it, but there's one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have to come with me." He smirked evilly.

"WHAT? Very funny, and no way."

"Then I don't do it."

"It's for your own good."

"Hmm…maybe." He glanced to his right and saw couples dancing, "If you won't come with me, can I at least get a dance?"

I couldn't believe he was asking.


	9. 9:41 PM

9:41 PM

I was dancing to the slow music with both hands joined with Draco's. We weren't as close as the other couples, but it was close enough for me. I noticed that he was much taller than me, by at least five inches, and I felt overpowered by his gaze. As he moved one step to the right, I followed. My heart was pounding madly, and it was funny, because I could feel his racing too. I knew he felt a bit nervous dancing with me by the way his hands had shaken when he had attempted to take mine. I still wondered if this was reality or a fairytale, to be with the man that I had liked, maybe even loved, since I was eleven. Maybe all my dreams would come true.

"It's funny." Draco said, as we swayed to the music.

"What is?"

"To be dancing with you again. The last time we danced was in the-"

"Yule Ball."

"Yeah. I didn't have that great of a time, though."

"If you'd spent half the time with me than you did chasing other girls, then you would have."

I was surprised when he blushed a bit, "You're still mad about that? I'm sorry. I wasn't really into you then-"

"It's okay. We were young and foolish and made a lot of mistakes."

"Hey, speak for yourself."

I giggled, getting an inch closer to him. I could smell his breath, which wasn't a good one from what they had just eaten.

"I know I was pretty annoying when I was at that age, so I'm sorry."

Was this Draco Malfoy, apologizing to a girl? It was amazing.

"It's okay."

12:34 AM

We strolled many streets in the night for at least an hour, talking about the past and the silly things we had done in Hogwarts and in the summer when I had visited his house. It felt good to talk to him about anything, because I hadn't had a friend that I could do that with for a long time. For one second, I swear he had tried to hold my hand, but had retrieved it for some reason. Maybe he was scared. I was.

"…Remember when we put that rat in his stew?" Draco reminded me, speaking of Hagrid.

"Yeah, that was really funny, although I felt a bit sorry for him when he started crying."

"I didn't. The stupid oaf didn't even notice things floating in his food."

"You are so coldhearted, Draco."

"No I'm not. I'm very loving."

I shook my head, "Then why did you stop talking to me that fifth year when I spread that rumor? I apologized about a million times. That really really hurt."

"I'm sorry. I guess it was my pride preventing me to say it."

He kicked a stone with his shoe, "So, you want to come back to my flat and have a cup of tea or something?"

Uh oh. I knew what that meant. He was giving me an invitation to his bed, but there was no time. I checked his watch and saw that it was 12:40. Forty-four minutes to live…and then I would be gone…

"Uh…sure," I said. "Let's go."

It took us twenty minutes to get there. It would have been shorter if Draco had walked at my pace, but he was slower than a snail.

1:05 AM

"Whoa, whoa, what's the hurry darling?" He slurred as we both entered the living room.

Oh, nothing, just that I'm about to die very soon.

"I'll make that tea. Just give me a few minutes." He told me, and then went into the kitchen. I didn't have a few minutes. I needed to express my feelings now, or it would remain a secret forever. My knees started shaking from the horrible fright inside of me, and my hands followed. I began breathing heavily, and was almost ready to hyperventilate if Draco hadn't come in and calmed me down.

He took my hands into his, sitting close to me, and said, "Pansy, what's wrong? You've been acting strange ever since you got here."

"I'm…fine…really." I spoke in heavy breaths.

"No, you're not. Come on, tell me." He quickly got a glass of water and put it in my mouth. I felt a little better afterwards.

"Look, Draco…I know why you brought me back here…"

"You do?"

"Yes. You want to…"

"Oh no. That wasn't my intention at all, but I can see why you would think that. I wouldn't do that to you, Pansy, take advantage. You are…very special to me."

Our eyes met for an infinitesimal second, and they both said it. We loved each other. He knew it and I knew it, and it was time to get it out in the open.

"Draco…ever since I was young, I've always-"

"I know."

"What?" I said, taken aback. He tightened his grip on my hands.

"I know…that you love me."

There was complete silence. Not a breath of air or a fallen leaf. We both stared at each other. Had he just said what I thought he said? I swear I was in a dream.

"How can you know?"

"It's pretty obvious. The way you talk about marriage, love, and care that I should have a better life. I don't know anything about love, but if there was one word to associate with with, it would be your name."

1:22 AM

Tears rimmed up in my eyes and slowly dripped down my cheeks. I didn't know if I was crying from Draco's words or for the fact that I had about two minutes to live.

"Pansy? Why are you crying?"

Suddenly, I broke into sobs and retreated in his embrace, with his arms around my back and an astonished look on his face.

"Oh, Draco, I wish I could tell you how I felt, but I can't."

"Why not?"

I cried even harder, and the excruciating pain inside my ribs built up, adding to my tears. Draco wiped away my tears with his hand. It was a gentle touch that I wish he could keep on me forever.

"Shh…don't cry…you don't look good when you do it…and I get sad…"

1:23 AM

He levitated my chin so my face was mere inches away from his. We locked eyes, and I gazed deeply into his blue sea of vision, and felt him getting closer. His soft lips brushed mine. It lasted for two seconds, but it was the most beautiful feeling I had ever felt inside my heart. We kept close and stared at each other.

"Why can't you tell me that you love me?" He whispered, a tear producing of his own.

1:24 AM

"I can…I love you…but that's no use now…" I breathed, still inches apart from him.

"Why?"

"Because…I'm dying…" I had fallen quiet now. No sobs and no croaks. Just silent tears finding themselves on Draco's shirt. For a second, he observed me as if I was kidding, but when he found out that I wasn't, he pulled away.

"What?"

"Yes…my father-"

And it came. The horrible coughing. I jumped out of the couch and collided with the floor, coughing up the tea, the dinner, mixed with blood. I could hear Draco screaming my name and asking me desperately what was happening, but I couldn't talk. I felt consciousness drifting far away as everything around me turned dizzy. I saw the lamp and I saw Draco's delicate face, fell down to the floor, and knew no more.

THE END 

Message of this story: Live life to the fullest because you never know what tomorrow may bring! Thanks to everyone for the lovely reviews! I love you all! Happy reading! 


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